“For anger slays the foolish man and jealousy kills the simple.”
-Gob 5:20 p.m.
The special nipples-and-tattoos edition of Needle is out, and I burned through this thing in about a week. So much good crime fiction in here, and I’ll try to hit on all the highlights. But first, I was going to keep up the habit of firing off some background on stories I’ve written. So here’s a little history of my story “Schrödinger Rat” that’s tucked in there, too…
This is what happens when you leave a magazine out in the cold. They'll cut glass. (Probably cut class, too! Just look at this dude. No way he goes to class)
I’ve actually been kicking around different incarnations of this tale for about ten years. Its genesis was in a hospital waiting room where my brother was getting this Total Recall-sized benign mass/tracking device removed from his nasal cavity, and my dad says, “They should make a prison movie where they smuggle in a gun. But just one gun, you know? I’d go see that movie.” And I said, “Yeah, but they’d have to smuggle in one bullet, too.” Then somebody said, “Or better yet, pieces of the gun!” “Yeah! And maybe all sorts of stuff comes in all the time, even people!” “Perfect, the first movie where someone breaks into prison!” “We’ll be rich!” Then we upended the magazine rack.
So, about a month later, my brother’s head was healed and me and my dad kept throwing ideas around and found that we’d somehow written an entire screenplay, a first for both of us. He would brainstorm, and I’d do all the writing, and that process moved pretty fast. We called it Brickhouse, (there was a bunch of Three Little Pigs and Three Blind Mice metaphors), got the thing copyrighted, and I started sending out queries. Then we both threw a tantrum when Steven Segal put out some crappy movie where someone breaks into prison, or so we heard. We didn’t want to pay to see it. Half Past Dead, I think it was. Luckily, that movie bombed, so I kept shopping around the script, then came this show called Prison Break. Where someone breaks into a prison. Again. Are you kidding me?? Who’s going through our garbage?? So with nothing to lose and one disappointment away from breaking into a prison myself, I entered the screenplay into this contest called “Project Greenlight.” Oh, boy. Does everybody remember Project Greenlight? Is it still around? It was a series on HBO where you sent them a screenplay, and then Ben Affleck and Matt Damon, inspired by making their own screenwriting dreams come true, made your much-less-likely dreams come true by picking one lucky writer to direct said screenplay, even though writing and directing have little or nothing at all to do with each other (I heard they remedied that in later seasons though). But let me skip way ahead. If anyone still really wants to read about how short-lived my Project Greenlight experience was, skip to the comment boxes. I’ll put an excerpt or two down there to distance myself from the embarrassing version of me that typed it all back then. Plus, I’ve whined about it at length in other places already.
"Nope." "Sorry, not interested." "Not for us, thanks."
Anyway, I was getting discouraged sending out Brickhouse and making hypothetical soundtracks for it in my spare time. One studio said they weren’t into it, but if I could combine a western with something about aliens, they’d be all for it (I shouldn’t have scoffed.) Another one said, “Wonderful, email it and we’ll print it over in our offices and thumb through it while you wait…it’s printing now…it’s still printing…it’s still printing. What is this? Let us call you back. Have you ever written a script before?”
Yes, it was a double album. Lots of Cypress Hill.
So one day, I stopped singing along to the CD, and I decided to adapt it into a novel instead. Yep, that’s backwards! I got a few chapters in, thought I wasn’t making things hard enough on myself as it was, and decided to condense the entire thing into a short story. That failed. So then I tried to take a couple of the concepts and favorite speeches and rewrite the whole thing with the prison itself telling the story (I’d just discovered the collective “we” of Jeffrey Eugenides’ Virgin Suicides). Suddenly the story felt like it was working. Meanwhile, in theaters, Robert Downey Jr. was on his 9th comeback with that Sherlock Holmes movie, and around the same time there was a contest in a journal about writing a “London” sorta story and another magazine was having a U.S. Vs. U.K. issue, so I decided, “Hey, let’s send Sherlock Holmes (or a descendant of Doyle) into this weird prison I’d constructed and see how he’d fare.” Combine that idea with a summer of Lock Up on MSNBC, stir the pot, and boom, “Schrödinger Rat.” I sent it out. Needle Magazine finally said, “Yes,” (after I chased them for a year), and me and my dad high-fived. Then he said, “Wait, what the hell did you do to our script?” I gave him a copy of this issue, but if he’s read it yet, he’s made no indication. He still talks about casting our movie (Clint Eastwood in all the roles). I still make soundtracks for it…
I told you it was a lot of Cypress Hill.
Well, how about the rest of the new issue of Needle, you ask patiently? Yes, so good. I’ll start with the Gil Brewer story, “Sweet Amy” and jump around. I read it backwards like everything else I do.
First off, Google this guy so I don’t have to explain who he is. I’ll wait. Okay, see, that was an interesting guy. And the fact that Needle dug up this story to give it its day in the sun is good news for all of us. You can feel the mileage on this man in the prose, for one thing. And it’s also the most romantic thing in this collection. Seriously. You know that song by Dr. Hook “If You’re In Love With A Beautiful Woman?” Yeah, it’s nothing like that. Well, maybe if instead of saying, “You watch her eyes,” the song said you should do something much more drastic. Also, check out when the poor hero gets mocked when he goes shopping for swimming trucks! Poor bunny.
Then there was Michael Moreci’s “Anonymity.” It says in his bio that he’s a comic book guy, and it kind of shows. Maybe I’m just imagining this since I read his bio before I read the story (I told you I was reading it backwards), but there seemed to be lots of visual cues to position the mind’s eye while reading. Good story, but I really dug how easy it was to imagine the scenes more than anything.
Nolan “You Gotta Bleed To Feed” Knight’s story, “Bleeders Abound,” was a seedy street tale that was oh, so nice and long, too. Please, magazines, don’t get too caught up in those word counts. If it’s good, let it run loose awhile longer like this.
What else? I should mention that maybe it’s because I read this in the wrong order (I really wanted to finish “Wolf Tickets” first) but damn if the second half of this collection isn’t home run after home run.
I do have to wonder how I would have felt reading Ray Banks’ “Wolf Tickets” at once (or in a couple sittings) rather than the way I did, with Needle stretching it out like a serial because reading it like this really suits it. It’s dialogue heavy, divided up perfectly, and I really was anxious to find out what was gonna happen. You could/should read all three parts when it’s finally released all glued back together (that’s gonna happen, right?) or better yet, get the three issues of Needle that they’re in. You should probably do that actually, because then you can read Cameron Ashley’s story in the last issue, “Dog’s Breakfast,” that takes place on the exact street corners and cafés where I stayed in Australia. I know you’re like, “why would I care about that?” Because maybe you can picture the same horrible things happening to me that happen to his Fitzroy dead enders? Maybe just read it because it was a great issue. It’s got a girl on the front with a belly ring. Anyway, “Wolf Tickets.” It’s got that great multiple perspectives thing, revenge, shotguns, crowbars and crowbars, and “plans, plans, plans.” It goes fast.
Another gem was Holly “What’s In The Box?” West’s story “Once A Loser.” This one has a great hook, a mysterious letter from the recently deceased. He leaves his uncle a key, some cash, and a note saying something like, “Open the box under my bed, deliver the goods to my friend. Try to make something of yourself.” After that, I’m in. And I’m asking myself, “How long before Lenny screws up something that sounds this easy?”
Keith Rawson’s “Fearless Zombie Killers” has probably my favorite ending in the collection. I don’t want to ruin anything, but he wraps up the proceedings with a finale that equates two outrageous story lines, one more outrageous than the other. Maybe it was just me, but it somehow makes the tall tale that opens the show a bit more legit, while making the reader almost doubt the truth of one they just lived through. It was a deft move.
Another standout, Art Taylor’s “The White Rose of Memphis” indulges in an irresistible plotline, that bed-and-breakfast murder mystery weekend thingy gone awry. This is always potential for some fun. And this one was a lot of fun. You gotta love it when a character says, “Is that a real gun?” and someone goes, “Blanks. It’ll sound real loud, and they’ve even got it rigged to leave a couple of smudges on the ceiling.” Yeah. Right. To answer that character’s other question, “No, they did not have ski masks back in the ‘40s.”
Great stuff as always from a magazine that Steve Weddle said he created so you’d have something “to smack your cat with.” Well, the cat has been smacked (That was a lie. I’d never smack a cat unless I caught it smoking). So, that should do it. I’ve read three issues of Needle now, and every one of them read like a Greatest Hits. Get some.
Epilogue: Tune out at this point if you don’t want to read a sour grapes rant a decade old. Below (in the comment boxes so I can always deny it later) is my diary entry from hundreds of years ago kinda sorta detailing my Project Greenlight adventure. I would recommend not reading this. I post it now (or maybe later) just for the extremely bored or curious. That version of me down there was pouting. Kind of a crybaby. This is not my best idea. Sour. Grapes. Stop reading now…
Don't eat the grapes. Sour or otherwise.
okay, here’s all that nonsense tucked away in the basement of this post. here’s Davey back at the beginning of the century hammering away on a computer the size of a major appliance. or maybe I just made this up, trying to imitate myself back then. if so the jokes on you (and by that, I mean me):
————–
Long Time Ago – Empty Toledo Apartment – Dusk
Just got an email from Project Greenlight urging me to see their new craptastic “The Battle of Shaker Heights.” Project friggin Greenlight. Grrrrr. I’m gonna start a Project Redlight where I take a baseball bat to Ben Affleck’s car when he stops at an intersection. He will think I’m selling oranges. Now, let me first preface this by saying…I lost. More than lost, i didn’t get halfway in. Did anyone see the movie that won last year? “Stolen Summer?” That wasn’t me. It should have been called “Stolen $8.50” ‘cause that movie sucked. What a simpering, obvious, phony, humorless waffle cone that movie was. Clearly it was chosen because it’s perceived as harmless and easy money and a shortcut to thinking and that’s exactly why this contest cannot be trusted. It makes sense if you look at everything they’ve been in since they hit. Turns out edgy indie films weren’t where their hearts were. Inside they were always these dull-ass Hollywood chumps. I thought the whole point of this contest was that it was taking a chance? Looking for something new? So they go and greenlight something that most resembled every piece of cliché-ridden gunge out there and they don’t understand why this contest is fucked at birth? But I’m not bitter (yeah right). Seriously though, you know why it’s called Project Greenlight? Because I’m friggin’ jealous. But I don’t care because it’s more entertaining to read these official “feedback” forms from six clowns that a.) missed the point b.) didn’t get the joke c.) were (sigh) easily offended and d.] tragically couldn’t embrace the new shit, I love ‘em anyway (except the bastard who called me a racist. que??) simply because I think they actually read it, and that’s all I want. I’ll comment as I go through the feedback again. My comments will be in brackets like this. [I”ll even try to make them green].
=============================================
To: David J. Keaton
Your Screenplay Title: BRICKHOUSE
[Hi! I’ll be hiding in these brackets. So, first of all, I chose this title not just for the song “Brickhouse,” but because of my misguided prison/Three Little Pigs allegory throughout. Sorry.]
SCREENPLAY CONTEST – View Coverage
There have been 6 reviews and evaluations done on this screenplay.
Review #1 reviewed on October 06, 2002
Review #2 reviewed on October 08, 2002
Review #3 reviewed on October 09, 2002
Review #4 reviewed on October 14, 2002
Review #5 reviewed on October 16, 2002
Review #6 reviewed on October 21, 2002
==============================================
Reviewer #1
1. Genre: Choose up to three that apply:
Drama, Horror, Action
Action, Comedy, Horror
Horror, Drama, Action
Sci-Fi
[Wait, huh? Okay, I don’t know where the hell this reviewer got that. The dialogue is bizarre but there’s nothing supernatural going on. If some asshole in a movie says the word “bigfoot,” that doesn’t mean it’s sci-fi.]
2. Enter the major settings and the different physical places where the story primarily takes place, i.e. street corner, England, subway, apartment:
prison yard
prison cells
prison cafeteria
prison recreation room
prison halls
bus interior
house [of Pain!]
Bishop’s garage during flashbacks
prison visiting quarters
dessert [I hope he meant “desert” because, as much as I wanted to, I resisted the urge to have most of this movie take place in some guy’s fruit salad]
3. Number of Locations. From a production standpoint, how many unique locations would a film crew have to go to shoot this film?
1-7
4. Circa. Select the time period in which the story is set. Select all that reply:
Near Future
[? Again, this sounds like it’s sci-fri nonsense when you say “near future” and that irritates me. This is not the prison from Face/Off, dude.]
5. Number of Roles. Estimate the number of roles including lead, supporting and “bit” characters:
16-24
6. Number of lead and supporting characters. Consider only those characters who have significant roles, i.e. multiple scenes, ample dialogue, impact on the story]:
Five.
7. Fill in the information below for each character.
Character 1:
Name: Bill Bishop [notice there’s a lot of alliteration in my names! See I went to school!]
Gender: Male
Age : Middle Age [do you mean like Excalibur?]
8. Brief Synopsis. Please provide a summary of the screenplay you reviewed, maximum 1000 characters, roughly 200 words:
Bill Bishop is sent to prison for murder, where he encounters segregation from the strange prisoners, an over-the-top prison guard, possibly John Wayne’s bastard son? And other curiosities like talking through the toilets and mysterious toy airplanes flying overhead.
[Yes! I actually like how this reviewer summed up my movie!]
19. Brief Comments: Optional: please provide a few general comments on the screenplay, maximum 1000 characters, roughly 200 words:
The story has potential for more unique ideas and unexplainable happenings, but we are mostly told and not shown the elements that might create stronger intrigue.
[Man, I have to “tell,” not “show,” unless you want me to come over and act it out with puppets]
20. Similar Films: Optional.
—-none—-
[I liked this answer a lot]
33. Rate the length of the screenplay:
Too long
[I’ll have to concede this point. Most screenplays are supposed to be 110 pages with a minute of screen time per page. BRICKHOUSE was 180. Oops.]
34. Check all that apply
[below is a list of the ones they checked on a much longer, duller list]:
Funny [funny how? Am I clown to you?]
Confusing [would you have forgiven the 12 endings I crammed in if it turned out it was all a dream?]
Offensive [like this thing I'm doing with my thumb?]
Ordinary [take that back. no need to get insulting]
Suspenseful [insert Friday the 13th noises]
Slow [caution Slow Children At Play]
Pretentious [but it's about....society!]
Gross [like what I'm doing with your thumb?]
Too Much Violence [is that possible? Never heard those three words used like that, with that combination]
Cool [like Fonzie!]
Stereotypical [no it isn’t]
Interesting [thanks!]
35. Roughly, in what kind of budget range would you put this movie?
Low Budget. Manageable locations and could be shot with a standard film crew. $1 million or less.
36. Which of these elements [if any] would play a central role in the story? Check all that apply:
Explosions [?]
Make up F/X
Visual F/X
Stunts [uh okay. if smashing an Ant Farm and punching someone in the face is considered a stunt. We’ll need Matrix wire-training for that]
Crowds [lined up to see my movie beee-atch!]
37. Would you pay to see this movie?
I’d consider renting this movie. [you’d consider it eh? My hero. Well, you can’t rent it now because in a panic, they pulled the plug. Insert power-outage turbine noise here. okay, maybe it needs a revision]
38. What rating would this movie receive?
R [R stands for “wringing my hands in frustration”]
39. Was this movie too much like another movie? If yes, enter the movie’s name
—-none—-
[and never will be!]
40. Any additional comments?
The dialogue is difficult to distinguish and reveals too much too soon.
[You say I reveal too much too soon and back there you said the script was confusing. Pick one and go with it.]
============================================
Review #2
[I chopped the first questions and answers off the rest of the reviews because the answers to 1 through 18 were pretty much identical. I’ll start the rest on #18]
18. Brief Synopsis. Please provide a summary of the screenplay, maximum 1000 characters, roughly 200 words:
A group of men in prison notice that the prison population is shrinking even as more inmates are being admitted. They believe that someone, or thing, is killing them off. Each man has his own theory, from monsters [monsters? Monsters??? Yeah, Yetis eat cons like popcorn!] to the warden. Ends up possibly being a man who sneaks IN to the prison is killing the prisoners. It isn’t fully explained. [is, too!]
19. Brief Comments: Optional: please provide a few general comments on the screenplay, maximum 1000 characters, roughly 200 words:
VERY original story. Good flow. Kept me interested. Just the right length. Colorful writing, good descriptions. I feel like I just watched the movie. Well Done!
[this person is clearly an intelligent, thoughtful individual. His name was Robert Redford.]
33. Rate the length of the screenplay:
Just Right [sweet, this person ain’t afraid of a little reading either! Or a 4 hour movie]
34. Check all that apply:
Funny [funny how? Do I amuse you?]
Unpredictable [hell yeah. No telling what I’ll do next$ see that? I just ended a sentence with a dollar sign. I’m crazy I tell you!]
Exciting [watch out for that banana peel!]
Suspenseful [boo!]
Original [like the Pancake House]
Unique [joke: how do you catch a unique rabbit? Answer: Unique up on him! Get it!]
Entertaining [how do you catch a tame rabbit? Tame way! thanks, i'll be here all week.]
Interesting [you want to hear something else that's interesting? did you know that i have hairs growing down to the end of my penis?]
35. Roughly, in what kind of budget range would you put this movie?
Somewhere in the middle. 3-10 million.
36. Which of these elements [if any] would play a central role in the story? Check all that apply:
Crowds [wanting me to autograph their butts]
37. Would you pay to see this movie?
I’d pay to see this movie [you won’t have to! cause of your superior evaluation skills, you got VIP seats for every show]
8. What rating would this movie receive?
R [R stands for GRRRRRRR-reat!]
==========================
Review #3
18. Brief Synopsis. Please provide a summary of the screenplay, maximum 1000 characters, roughly 200 words:
An ordinary man, Bishop, is sent to jail for the murder of his wife. In prison, he encounters various mysteries including the disappearances of many prisoners, particularly of the African American race. Bishop thinks that Duke, a tough guard, is killing the black prisoners and decides to do “something” about it. The children of the prisoners smuggle in gun parts by their toys. The prisoners assemble the guns but they do not have a bullet. At the end, a showdown occurs between Duke and another warden…then Duke and 6 or so prisoners which one prisoner has the real gun and the others have toy guns, then Bishop, the prisoner with the real gun that has a bullet given by the warden that first faced off with Duke, and then the twist of Bishop and another prisoner who was introduced in the beginning of the screenplay. Bishop is killed in the end.
[whoa there, kid. Why don’t you spoil it for everyone else. and don't steal any of this ‘cause I dropped 30 bucks copyrighting it]
19. Brief Comments: Optional: please provide a few general comments on the screenplay, maximum 1000 characters, roughly 200 words:
I found this script to be confusing and extremely racist.
[??? Okay, this person has no idea what is racist. Clearly a prison, a place that is 80% black, is going to have massive racial conflict when a main character is white. Like all those people I have no tolerance for, he confuses the work with the author]
33. Rate the length of the screenplay:
Too Long. [ You’re too long. Whatever that means]
34. Check all that apply:
Confusing
Offensive [pbbbbt!]
Boring [that actually hurts me to hear you say that]
Gross [like what I'm doing with that other dude's thumb?]
Not My Taste [his taste being a taste in, like, ass]
Unrealistic
Stereotypical [Impossible. That's all i got to say here. Two words: im. possible]
35. Roughly, in what kind of budget range would you put this movie?
Low Budget. Manageable locations and could be shot with a standard film crew. $1 million or less]
36. Which of these elements, if any, would play a central role in the story? Check all that apply:
Explosions [Huh? Maybe an explosion…of ideas!]
37. Would you pay to see this movie?
No, thanks. [You’re welcome]
38. What rating would this movie receive?
R [Grrrrrrrrrrrr…hate!]
=============================
Review #4
18. Brief Synopsis. Please provide a summary of the screenplay, maximum 1000 characters, roughly 200 words:
Bishop is sent to Prison in Nevada. While there he notices that many of the black prisoners begin to disappear. He suspects that The Duke is killing them. The inmates agree and begin looking for a way to get rid of the Duke before they are next.
[That's the tip of the iceberg. That's like saying, "in Scarface, Tony sold some drugs"]
19. Brief Comments. Optional: please provide a few general comments on the screenplay, maximum 1000 characters, roughly 200 words:
Nice set up, but it lost me at the end. Not really believable.
[you want realism, watch Life. Unscripted]
20. Similar Films: Optional.
—-none—- [Yes!]
33. Rate the length of the screenplay:
Just Right
34. Check all that apply:
Offensive
[I don’t mind being called offensive by this person because they didn’t call me a freakin’ racist]
Unrealistic
35. Roughly, in what kind of budget range would you put this movie?
High Budget. Lots of effects, big scenes that require a large crew and lots of prep. Over $30 million.
[slow down there, Spielberg. you don’t need that much prep, all you need is a prison and inmates that promise not to rape the crew]
36. Which of these elements, if any, would play a central role in the story? Check all that apply:
Explosions [what are they talking about?? I’m going to have to read my script again. I honestly can’t remember “explosions”]
Numerous Sets
Stunts [maybe involving toys.]
Crowds
37. Would you pay to see this movie?
No, thank you. [So polite!]
38. What rating would this movie receive?
R [“R” stands for “Read this really fast and nothing sank in”]
=======================================
Review #5
18. Brief Synopsis. Please provide a summary of the screenplay, maximum 1000 characters, roughly 200 words:
In a prison in the desert that cons are constantly repopulating, the prison gradually gets emptier and emptier, even though no one is ever let out. A string of ethnically diverse prisoners band together to figure out and stop the prison’s deadly secret.
[this dude sounds like a poster tagline or something…”in a time without heroes, one man….”]
19. Brief Comments. Optional: please provide a few general comments on the screenplay, maximum 1000 characters, roughly 200 words:
It seemed that the dialogue was forced and the monologues were way too long. [maybe they got a point, I never know when to stop typing] Never quite cared about Bishop enough either. It didn’t seem like a real person [he’s NOT genius]. Guards don’t generally speak to prisoners at length. The story needed more action as well. The whole story said prisoners were disappearing but we never saw it, they were just gone. Maybe a prisoner being dragged away in the dark screaming, or anything to add some action [this ain’t Halloween]. I couldn’t believe the toilet phones either, I don’t think you can talk through water [don’t knock it till you try it!]
20. Similar Films. Optional.
Lock up
The Glass House
[I watched this crap movie because this person listed it here and I still don’t know what they were talking about. Maybe all movies remind them of Glass House]
33. Rate the length of the screenplay:
Just Right [yeah! Another reader. Seems like I forgive everything they say is they put “just right” on this line. It’s like Goldielocks tasting the porridge!]
34. Check all that apply:
Confusing
Offensive [sigh.]
Unrealistic
35. Roughly, in what kind of budget range would you put this movie?
Low Budget. Manageable locations and could be shot with a standard film crew. $1 million or less]
36. Which of these elements [if any] would play a central role in the story? Check all that apply:
Explosions [okay, they all keep saying “explosions” and i just went back and checked and all I do is blow up a freakin' toy airplane. buy one firecracker. there, i bought one for you. F/X budget is in the black. let's move on. I swear i think these punks were skimming]
37. Would you pay to see this movie?
No.
38. What rating would this movie receive?
NC-17
39. Was this movie too much like another movie? If yes, enter the movie’s name
—-none—- [damn straight]
40. Any additional comments?
If the script had a supernatural element, prisoners were being killed by a supernatural force, or that the government was weeding out prisoners that would not be missed, you may have something. [this ain’t X-Files bitch] Also I can’t beleive that Jones would speak to Jenny that way in the last scene, with the vulgarness, Even the most hardened con would have some etiquette. If he is semi-noble, make him that. [this ain’t Shawshank, punk] Good luck! [don’t wish me luck. this ain’t Vegas, punk.]
============================
Review #6
18. Brief Synopsis. Please provide a summary of the screenplay, maximum 1000 characters, roughly 200 words:
About a mysterious jail, the inmates notice other inmates always being dropped off. But none are ever leaving. [okay, you read the first 3 pages, but what happens after that. This is just one of about 250 plots in here]
19. Brief Comments. Optional: please provide a few general comments on the screenplay, maximum 1000 characters, roughly 200 words:
—-none—-
20. Similar Films. Optional:
—-none—- [that’s right! Boo-Ya!]
33. Rate the length of the screenplay:
Too Long [you’re too long]
34. Check all that apply:
Boring
Unrealistic [like crate after crate of Bigfoots being unloaded from UFOs]
35. Roughly, in what kind of budget range would you put this movie?
Low Budget. Manageable locations and could be shot with a standard film crew. $1 million or less.
37. Would you pay to see this movie?
Yes.
38. What rating would this movie receive?
G [Rated G?? Ha! Check out the smart ass. He’s being funny. A sense of humor. I tip my hat]
39. Was this movie too much like another movie? If yes, enter the movie’s name
—-none—-
40. Any additional comments?
I thought the movie could have been a little better, had a good plot going.
Also the dialogue killed it. [I'm working on that, I swear. I like speeches though]
========================================
[And that’s all the feedbacks. And now here’s the ones that DID make the next round. Check out these titles. If you read them all fast without stopping, something strange starts to happen. The way all the "verbing the noun" titles blend into a simmering stagnant pile of nonsense sort of sums up how my head spins when I read the movie listings in the paper and realize what actually gets made]
TOP 250 Screenplays:
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…Still Breathing 9 Ways To Someday A Bright Tomorrow A Mile High A Safe Place A Woman’s Place Absolution Act of Contrition Aftermath Alibi-Guy.com Amberfield AMBITION An Ounce Of Hope Angry Hearts Anyone But You Assumed Identity Autobiography of Nice Guy X Awaiting Hope Bad Boyfriends Bad Habits Beneath the Badge Billy Kitsch Blood Brothers Blue Girl Boathouse Drums Botticelli Girl Bountiful Joy Brian’s Angel BridgeLip Suckers Broken But, Wait… There’s More! CANTON Cape of Dreams Cedar Creek CHANCE Charlie’s Deal Cheeks CHEMISTRY China Girl Christmas Tree Quest CHRISTMAS, FL COLORBLIND CONVICTION COOL AS HELL Crowe’s Nest CURTIS LIONHEART DARIAN’S POINT DARK ECHOES Day of the Dead Deborah Samson Descent Die Laughing Digging Home DISTORTION Dogman Don’t Cry Donuts At Dawn DOTSBURG Elegy Eleven Months of Autumn Elucia Smallberry Empathy End Games Exile Exit 101 Eyewitness Fake Your Own Death, Inc. Family Function [a.k.a. Zoe Goldfarb's Turkey Dinner] Family Portrait Family Tree Father Figure Fig Nefarious FILLERS Final Weekend Finals Week First Fame Fish Out of Water For the Love of Cecilia FOREVER YOURS Friend of the Devil Getting It Right Good Food Good Intentions Gravity Lets Go Heartsick HENRY’S HOUSE Hollywood Hostage BRICKHOUSE! [should have been in here. Sniff. maybe if i would have called it Bricking the House?]Home Base HOMER Hunkies HURLING MEDAL I Woke Up [In Love This Morning] IN THE HANDS OF THE ENEMY In the stars Individual Results May Vary Inside the Gingerbread House Inventing My Life ironbound Isle of Shadows IVY Jacked Jefferson Palmer Volunteers JUST A GIRL Just a Phone Call Away Just Another New Year’s Eve Karl Marx was Framed Kill Devil Hills Killer Instinct Kind of a Baldwin Kit & Kaboodle La Migra Landon’s Lapdogs of Luxury Last Words LET’S KILL LARRY Letters From Nicky Life Weight Living Life’s Itinerary Logic of Being Loomis Lost in Tinseltown! Lottery Society Love by the Book MAESTRO, MAESTRO Makin’ Love MANTECA MATFIELD GREEN Mean Dean Mectl Memory of Family Miles From St. Louis Mirage at the Desert Chateau Miss Chevious Modern Logic Dictates… Mountains of the Moon Mr. Right Before My Brother Jim Near Birth Experience Nectar nevermore Nightingale Nothing but Blues and Elvis Now and Again NUNLEY Odd Jobs Of Fate And Fortune Of Slings and Arrows OMAHA One Night Destiny Only in L.A. Open To Be Order of the Dragon Other Peoples Shoes Ozark Mile Padre’s Cub PASSING THROUGH Penance by Proxy Perhaps … PIANO MAN Pick Up Playland Poetry of Survival Pontchartrain Beach Poor Dad President’s Day Prince Michael PRISONER Private Wars Purple Hearts RAINBOW HAVEN Raining Again Ramblings of a Born-Again Raver Rear View Mirror Red Eyed Rats Renaissance RETRIBUTION Righteous Act ROCCO COSTELLO Ronald’s Mom is Clairvoyant Round Trip Running Man Rusty Dreams SAFE SEX IN THE GARDEN Sand Hill Saturday Night Special Scrum – aka: Fug Tup No Teefus Second Time Around SECTION X Serial Murder and The Single Guy Shadow Healer Shandy’s Last Ride SHARING THE DRIVE Sidewalk Story Sigils Silent Partners Sins of the Father Skeletons SON DANCE Spanish Accent Splendor in the Waste Stand Off Still Life Still Life Stone Free Surrendering Siobhan TAKE-DOWN Temporary Insanity TEN DAYS LAST FALL The Achievers The Ascot Fall The Badianus Manuscript The Bank The Battle of Shaker Heights The Benny Factor The Blind Midget Clown Puzzles The Caseworker The Child Carrier The Cricket Cage The Diagnosis The Dogs of Love The Gloria Williams Life THE GOD SIGNATURE The Golden Age of Linda Ronstadt The Great Dancer The Groomsmen The Hungarian The King of New Orleans THE LINE-UP GUY The Making of Martyrs The Marriage Contract THE MICHAELS The Motherless Nanny THE MYSTERY OF SONNY HANOVER The Mystic The Perfect Martini The Precipice The Rebound Guy The Rhythm Methodist The Rivalry The Road to Damascus The Seasons of Saul The Sixth Chamber The State The Sumptuous Donut of the Mind The Task Manual THE THEORY OF ABSENCE The Track The Trinity of Argentina The Twist The Voice of the City The Wait: Smoking or Non-Smoking THE WAY THINGS TURN These Dreams Three of a Kind Three-Sided Coins Timing and Circumstance To Forgive Is Divine Today’s Special Value Tubby’s Block Turnabout Unmasking Moretto Up The Chimney Vampyreville Viagra Highway Vices Wade In the Water Waking Up Dead Wanna Bet? Wearing Sweatpants Wedlock Wolves At Bay Xela Yard Sale Yellow Man Your Happy Ass [huh???]
[Of course, they don't deserve my spite. They just wrote something like I did. Hate the game, not the players, right? Like I said, I ain’t bitter. Whose ever said those three words without a certain tone in their voice? That's right. Zero.]
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So there it was. If you read this far, and if the comment box actually held all this, I apologize. I’m gonna skim those movie titles and see if any ended up movies all these years later though…